Why am I not johnny on the spot with current affairs and stuff? My excuse: 100 ppt of Lazy, 100 ppt of Lack o' Time, and 800 ppt of--what is known in the scientific community as--Lack o' Smarts.
The buzz, so says trusty old Rediff, is this:
Shahi Imam of Jama Masjid Syed Ahmed Bukhari has intiated a move to bring all Muslim religious and political groups under one platform to evolve a joint strategy for social, economic and educational uplift of the minorities.
The Imam has convened a National Conference of Muslims in New Delhi on Saturday, which is being attended by over 300 top Muslim clerics, scholars and religious heads. They will discuss ways and means to form a confederation that will take care of socio-economic problems of 160 million Muslims.
Hurriyat Conference chairman Moulvi Omer Farooq will also be present at the conference. He is expected to present his views on the current political scenario in Jammu and Kashmir.
Jamait-Ulemai Hind chief Maulana Arshad Madni, vice-president of Jamaat Islami Professir Munis Shafi, general secretary of Majlis Mushwarat Maulana Ameeduzaman Kairinavi, top Islamic scholar Sheikh Abu-Baker Qadri, Bharti Majlis chief Jaweed Habib and Maulana Fazul-Qasmi will attend the day-long meet to iron out differences and work towards the common goal of launching a joint movement for minorities' rights, Syed Ahmed Bukhari said.
"Our goal is to meet leaders of all political parties and to seek their support for removing economic and educational backwardness of minorities. For the past 59 years, nothing concrete has been done in this regard," Qari Mian Mohammed Mazhari and Chaudhry Rahat, co-convenors of the Conference said.
They said that a 10-point agenda has been circulated to the delegates, which would be the main focus of the deliberation.
This includes compensation for Gujarat riots, Constitutional amendment for restoring minority status of the Aligarh Muslim University and resolution of the Kashmir issue through dialogue.
Former cabinet secretary Zafar Saifullah, former union minister C M Ibrahim and Qazi of Kanpur Qari Abdul Sami will present their views on educational problems of the community.
Further note that the conference is being attended by over 300 top Muslim clerics and religious heads, who will discuss educational reforms, among other things.
Religious heads are getting together to discuss education. What me worry? What could go wrong?
The convenor of this conference is Mr. Syed Ahmed Bukhari, who is the Shahi Imam of Jama Masjid and a top-ranking PITA (qv). Quite a likable man. I do not speak from experience, only hearsay. I have met many people who have never met him who say he's nice.
As you can see, a co-convenor of the conference said, "Our goal is to meet leaders of all political parties and to seek their support for removing economic and educational backwardness of minorities."
Doublespeak usually requires translation. So, helpfully for all concerned, I have provided a translation.
Original Sentence:
Our goal is to meet leaders of all political parties and to seek their support for removing economic and educational backwardness of minorities.
Translation:
Of late, it has come to our notice that we haven't nearly been pampered enough by this stupid fucking country... beg pardon, by the rest of India. We already have our own personal laws, such as they are. We get nice sops once in a while like the Hajj subsidy which the rest of India--which means mostly the foolish Hindus--finance with their ill-gotten income and such. But we have noticed that we are still poor and backward. So is a majority of the Hindus, but so what? Shut up and pay attention.
So we are poor. Conveniently, we are also Muslim. Best of all, we are Indian Muslims. And now that one of the most divisive political parties that India has had the misfortune to be saddled with is in power --a party whose kiss-spittle still remains on our behinds--we feel that the time is right to ask for our pound of flesh.
I have a question. Why the fuck do they need handouts again? What about the money in the more than 300,000 Waqfs held throughout India? Isn't that supposed to be for the welfare of poor, needy Muslims? Oh wait, I forgot. In India, a Waqf can be a Family Waqf, which is not really a Waqf, but an umbrella.
Briefly, a Waqf is an inalienable endowment for a philanthropic cause such as a school, or a mosque, or an orphanage. Like a trust. In a Family Waqf, or Waqf Al Aulad (yes, that's really the name), the philanthropic cause is your family. My understanding is that if you are fortunate enough to be simultaneously Muslim, rich, and living in India, you can designate your property as Waqf property and designate your heir as the trustee. In general, property designated as Waqf does not form part of your estate, so no estate duties. No capital gains on assets sold. Sweet. Quite naturally, Waqf applies to Muslims only, it being a part of Muslim personal law. Hindus get no such free rides.
Any proposal to modify the Waqf laws meets with resistance in India, because it is seen as an attempt to meddle with Muslim personal law.
This personal law thing is sweet. Hmmm...hey you Indian government, fuck it, I want a personal law too. I've changed my mind. I don't care about all that Uniform Civil Code song and dance amy more, I want my own personal law. Within three business days.
Here is an interesting bit of news for those who like to think of the British as the sole engineers who created this divide between Hindus and Muslims (as if they needed one). The Privy Council that governed India post 1857 ruled to abolish the Family Waqf. It would appear that the system of Family Waqf struck even the greedy, money-grubbing bastards of the Privy Council as slightly inequitable. But a particular Indian political party actually protested and asked that the Waqf laws be left as they are.
Which political party, you ask?
Of late, it has come to our notice that we haven't nearly been pampered enough by this stupid fucking country... beg pardon, by the rest of India. We already have our own personal laws, such as they are. We get nice sops once in a while like the Hajj subsidy which the rest of India--which means mostly the foolish Hindus--finance with their ill-gotten income and such. But we have noticed that we are still poor and backward. So is a majority of the Hindus, but so what? Shut up and pay attention.
So we are poor. Conveniently, we are also Muslim. Best of all, we are Indian Muslims. And now that one of the most divisive political parties that India has had the misfortune to be saddled with is in power --a party whose kiss-spittle still remains on our behinds--we feel that the time is right to ask for our pound of flesh.
I have a question. Why the fuck do they need handouts again? What about the money in the more than 300,000 Waqfs held throughout India? Isn't that supposed to be for the welfare of poor, needy Muslims? Oh wait, I forgot. In India, a Waqf can be a Family Waqf, which is not really a Waqf, but an umbrella.
Briefly, a Waqf is an inalienable endowment for a philanthropic cause such as a school, or a mosque, or an orphanage. Like a trust. In a Family Waqf, or Waqf Al Aulad (yes, that's really the name), the philanthropic cause is your family. My understanding is that if you are fortunate enough to be simultaneously Muslim, rich, and living in India, you can designate your property as Waqf property and designate your heir as the trustee. In general, property designated as Waqf does not form part of your estate, so no estate duties. No capital gains on assets sold. Sweet. Quite naturally, Waqf applies to Muslims only, it being a part of Muslim personal law. Hindus get no such free rides.
Any proposal to modify the Waqf laws meets with resistance in India, because it is seen as an attempt to meddle with Muslim personal law.
This personal law thing is sweet. Hmmm...hey you Indian government, fuck it, I want a personal law too. I've changed my mind. I don't care about all that Uniform Civil Code song and dance amy more, I want my own personal law. Within three business days.
Here is an interesting bit of news for those who like to think of the British as the sole engineers who created this divide between Hindus and Muslims (as if they needed one). The Privy Council that governed India post 1857 ruled to abolish the Family Waqf. It would appear that the system of Family Waqf struck even the greedy, money-grubbing bastards of the Privy Council as slightly inequitable. But a particular Indian political party actually protested and asked that the Waqf laws be left as they are.
Which political party, you ask?
**Shuffles cards for shell game**
Watch for it...watch the red queen...here it comes...is it the Muslim League, seems logical...round and round and round she goes, where she stops nobody knows...is it the principle-peddling, two-timing Commies, maybe...
No, ladies and gentlemen, the party that resoundingly voted to maintain Family Waqf and uphold Islamic law was the ever secular Indian National Congress. Old habits die hard, eh?
Back to the conference. Let's look at some of the items on the agenda.
(1) Common goal of launching a joint movement for minorities' rights.
Somebody reading this please tell me what rights Muslims do not have in India.
(2) Constitutional amendment for restoring minority status of the Aligarh Muslim University.
(2) Constitutional amendment for restoring minority status of the Aligarh Muslim University.
Yes, especially the lucrative rider that gives 50 percent reservation to Muslims.
(3) Resolution of the Kashmir issue through dialogue.
(3) Resolution of the Kashmir issue through dialogue.
How will the Kashmir issue uplift Muslims? While I agree that it will in general be a blessing when the Kashmir issue is solved, I don't see the relevance of this particular topic in such a meeting. Well, maybe its a filler, to be discussed at leisure over biriyani and kababs.
Glossary of Terms
PITA: Pain In The Ass
Glossary of Terms
PITA: Pain In The Ass