Down with chain letters

You know for sure that you have no life when you sit down and write responses to chain letters. I got the following chain letter from someone who lives in another country but is never very far from my thoughts. The chain letter has obviously been written by someone who is both spiritual and a Hindu.

I am aware that the person who forwarded this chain letter to me might one day read this post. To her I would like to say that I am not making fun of her. I couldn't. I love her too much for that. I am making fun of the amusing gent who actually wrote this chain letter. My responses are addressed to him.

I also harbor the hope that someone reading this will copy and paste my responses and create a counter chain letter that will ultimately flood the original author's mailbox. Fair is fair.

To authors of chain letters: If you must write meaningless stuff for people to read, use a blog. Like this one. That way people at least have the option of ignoring you.

The original letter is titled "Isn't it strange?" and is in red italics. My responses follow.


Isn't it strange how Rs. 20/=
seems like such a large
amount when
you donate it to temple, but
such a small amount
when you go shopping?

Donating even half a rupee to a temple that is not explicitly and entirely set up for human charity is a waste of anyone's money. But of course, you could do worse than donate to a temple. You could donate to a mosque.


Isn't it strange how 2 hours
seem so long when
you're at place of worship, and how
short they seem when you're
watching a good movie?

Not if the movie has Vin Diesel in it. Oh sorry, I just noticed that you said good movie.


Isn't it strange that you can't
find a word to say when
you're praying,
but you have no trouble
thinking what to talk about
with a friend?

I find a lot of words to say when I'm talking to or about God. Unfortunately most of those words would have trouble clearing a squelching committee.


Isn't it strange how difficult
and boring it is to read
one chapter of
the Bible / Quran / Gita / Granth , but how easy
it is to read 100 pages of
a popular novel?

A word of advice: instead of reading one chapter from a book of fairytales, read one page from Wikipedia each day. Wikipedia has a section on morality too, if that is what you hope to extract from the Bible/Quran/whatnot. And of course, in matters of morality, it is always an option to use your own common sense and judgment rather than derive it from a book written by a bunch of medieval, parochial, misogynistic goat-herders.


Isn't it strange how everyone
wants front-row-tickets
to concerts or
games, but they do whatever
is possible to sit at the last
row in a holy place?

That one is easy. The last row is usually the closest to the exit.


Isn't it strange how we need to
know about an event for
temple 2-3
weeks before the day so we can
include it in our agenda, but we can
adjust it for other events in
the last minute?

OK now, come clean. Which temple exactly are you pimping here and just how hard up are they for money?


Isn't it strange how difficult it
is to learn a fact about
God to share it
with others, but how easy
it is to learn, understand,
extend and repeat gossip?

Hmmm...a fact about God? The usage of the word "fact" seems strange when you are basically talking about something that has as much evidence for its existence as Frodo the Hobbit. So what fact about God do you know? Please share so these goosebumps will go away.


Isn't it strange how we
believe everything
that magazines and newspapers
say, but we question the words in the
holy books?

I don't believe everything that magazines and newspapers say. And there are some very questionable words in the holy books I have read. The Bible and Manu-Smriti come to mind. And really, what is a holy book? Is it a book that you read while willingly suspending your judgment and thought? Damn, I ought to take a shot at writing a holy book. Sounds like there's money in it.


Isn't it strange how everyone
wants a place in
heaven, but they don't want
to believe, do, or say anything
to get there?

What must I believe or say to get into heaven? That there is a heaven? Sorry, circular reasoning was never my thing.


Isn't it strange how we send
jokes in e-mails
and they are forwarded
right away,
but when we are going to send
messages about God, we think
about it twice before we share
it with others?

My company has explicit policies about forwarding jokes. I don't know if they have anything about forwarding messages about God. What if it is a joke about God? Can I forward that?

IT'S STRANGE ISN'T IT

Yes, very strange. Now get the fuck back to work and stop writing chain letters on company time.